


1989

by Cinnamon1895



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Sirius, Homophobia, M/M, Pregnancy, lots of talk about sex, use of slurs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-18 18:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4716332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnamon1895/pseuds/Cinnamon1895
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s 1989 and they’re just a bunch of kids growing up too fast. </p><p>Non magic Marauders AU where they all work in a museum</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sirius uses fae/them pronouns, and occasionally refers to themself as a guy, but identifies as genderfluid. This guy here is my headcanon Sirius >> http://queerbashir.tumblr.com/post/130287845920/cinnamoncharlie-jccppgh-aphrodesiapgh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, I use italics a lot. If you need a version without italics, leave a review with your email

Sunday meant a quiet afternoon at Hogwarts Museum of Natural History. James leaned against a wall next to his station, bored to tears. He watched a young couple, the only patrons in the room affectionately as they moved from display to display, glued at the hip. _Lily_ _doesn’t_ _get_ _off_ _long_ _after_ _me_ , he thought, _maybe_ -

 

 ****"Prongs!" Sirius hissed, breaking James’ reverie. James looked across the room at his friend who was waving impatiently from faer station by the elevator.

"What do you want?" he stage whispered to his friend, awkwardly smiling at patrons as he did. They were completely oblivious, staring into each other’s eyes next to a stuffed sloth. Giving up any pretence of professionalism, James abandoned his post and joined his friend.

"Have you talked to the new guy?" Sirius asked, eyes wide and excited, "The one McGonagall introduced to the group this morning."

"Remus? Yeah, he seems alright. Quiet.” James shrugged, running a hand through his messy hair, “What about him?"

"Alright?" Sirius exclaimed, looking horrified "Prongs, he’s gorgeous! Introduce me during break?”

"Introduce yourself, idiot." he scoffed

"No, you have to do it!” Sirius insisted, too loudly.

“Shh! ” James scolded, looking over his shoulder. The young couple had left, “How do you know if he has the same break as us?” he pointed out.

“I checked the schedule, obviously. Now come on, please?” fae pouted. James huffed, defeated.

"Fine.” he gave in, shaking his head and walking back to his station as another group walked into the exhibit. “Poofer,” he muttered.

 ****~~  
  


An hour later, Sirius dragged James to the loo, insisting fae needed a touch up first. "I still don’t understand why you can’t just go up to him and say hi. That’s what I did with Lily, and that worked out fine." James argued while Sirius touched up faer lipstick.

"That works fine for you silly straight people, you have it easy. Queers have a highly elaborate mating ritual." Sirius explained impatiently, prodding a false eyelash back into place, "By publicly showing your friendship with me, an obviously queer individual, you show that this is a safe space. Ergo, the new boy will know he can flirt, ergo, I get laid. Get it?"

"You’re a highly elaborate..whatever. Are you done?" James asked, giving in. Sirius blew a last kiss at the mirror and nodded, dragging faer friend back out of the loo and down the corridor to the staff room.

"Peek and see if he’s in there. Go on!" fae begged. James groaned and poked the door open a crack. When he made out the outline of the new boy making a cup of coffee, he grabbed Sirius by the wrist and dragged fae in.

"Hey, Remus! How’s the first day?" he asked, dragging Sirius behind him. The new guy looked surprised at being addressed, jumping slightly and making his coffee slosh a bit. Sirius clutched convulsively at James’ wrist, cutting off the circulation.

"Uh, yeah, this place is gorgeous, I like it a lot. James, right?" Remus asked quietly, fuddling with the sleeves of his sweater and taking a sip of his too hot coffee.

"Yea, that’s me. And uh, this is Sirius, fae works here too." he introduced, releasing his grip on Sirius’ wrist.

"Oh, nice to meet you. Remus." The new boy introduced himself, holding out his hand. Sirius accepted it and shook.

"Nice to meet you, Remus," Sirius said warmly, taking in Remus’ appearance. He was certainly dressed for a job at a museum: a neat sweater over a polo, khakis and beat up loafers. His chocolate brown hair was combed neatly in place. Faer eyes rested on the earring in his right ear, "I’ve got a feeling we’re going to get along just wonderfully."

****  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Remus pulled on his jacket, wrapping it tightly around his thin frame. Scarf next, clumsily knitted by yours truly in mismatched shades of blue that had been on sale at the craft store near by. _Perhaps_   _I_ _should_ _try_ _to_ _get_   _better_ _at_ _this_ he mused to himself, poking a finger through a rather sizable hole near one of the crookedly fringed edges. Shoving that idea aside for later, checked his watch for the time and reached into his pocket to ensure the little bottle of pills was still there, wrapped in a sock to minimize the sound of rattling as he walked.

“So, good first day, Remus?”

Remus nearly jumped out of his skin, hand clutching tightly around the bottle in his pocket. He turned to see one of the co workers he had met earlier, and breathed a private sigh of relief. This one wouldn’t mind as much if he (or was it fae? Remus seemed to remember the other one, ((James?)) using that) found out, right? But fae doesn’t know, won’t find out, _calm_ _the_ _fuck_ _down_ _Remus_!

“Uh, yeah, I like it here. Sirius, right? Um, fae pronouns? Don’t want to muck that up.” Remus replied, pulling his hand out of his pocket in favor or buttoning up his jacket. Sirius had to be freezing in the little skirt and sweater fae was wearing. Or maybe fae just wasn’t as sensitive to the cold as Remus was.

“Yup, both are me!” Sirius beamed, obviously excited at Remus’ immediate acceptance. Remus smiled as well, happy to oblige. “So, are you new to London? I haven’t seen you around, and I know everyone around here.” fae continued, pointedly emphasizing “everyone”. Remus tugged at his earring, catching Sirius' meaning. He subconsciously thanked his 18 year old self for getting the piercing. 

“Yes, well I suppose so. I’ve lived a bit outside the city my whole life, so I know my way around, that is to say I’ve been here before, but I just moved in myself a few weeks ago.” Remus babbled.

“Well, I’m unavailable tonight, but I’d love to show you around the city, if you’d like,” Sirius purred, _actually_ _purred_ , is that possible?? _Pay_ _attention_ , _Remus_ , _faer is still talking!_  “A couple of us were going to go out for drinks after work tomorrow, care to join?”  _Go ahead, say yes, you’re allowed to have friends! You’re not going to give them cooties through conversation….but maybe you shouldn’t, maybe they wouldn’t like it…either way you’ve got to hurry the fuck home you’re due for a pill in five minutes dumbass, what are you waiting for? Say no and get the fuck..._

“Yes,” Remus blurted out awkwardly, interrupting his train of thought. “Erm, yes, that sounds good. I’d like that. Um, see you at work tomorrow, yes?” he continued awkwardly, practically running past Sirius, “Bye!” he called over his shoulder, shutting the break room door behind him.

Alone now, Sirius smiled. The new guy - Remus - obviously had some nervous shit going on, but hey, don’t we all? And Sirius felt willing to look over almost anything for that shy little smile.

 ****~~  
  


“Did everything going well with the new boy?” Dumbledore asked, gesturing at Minerva to sit. McGonagall gratefully took the offered seat across from his desk: her arthritis was acting up more and more each day. She pulled her grey cardigan around herself more tightly: Albus kept his office so damned cold all the time she could hardly stand it. Some nonsense about chill giving him vigor.

“Well, it is only his first day, we mustn't jump to any conclusions. However, he appears hard working and kind enough. Why do you ask?” she replied. The boy seemed kind to her, and if she were being honest, troubled.  But really, it was too early to tell. Dumbledore had an unfortunate tendency to make snap judgements, and Minerva would be damned if she encouraged his bad habit.

Dumbledore sighed, contemplating Minerva silently for a moment. She stared back at him patiently. She was accustomed to his odd, piercing stare at this point in their friendship. However, she could still remember when they were young, and his gaze made her squirm.

“Minerva, how long have we known each other?” he asked.

“Well, nearly twenty years, but I don’t see what this has to do with Remus Lupin. “ she replied.

 ****“Is twenty years enough for you to trust me, Minerva?” he pressed

“Of course. “ she answered immediately.

“I must admit to you, I may have shown a degree of...favoritism, in regards to this young man’s employment.” he elaborated. Minerva raised a hand to stop him.

“Albus, what is this about? Or do I even want to know?” she asked wearily.

“I shan’t burden you with the entire story. Let’s just say that this job is very important to Mr. Lupin. If he loses this post, he may not find another for a long while, for reasons not entirely under his control.”

Minerva sighed. “Please, don’t tell me more. Heavens, Albus...first the one in skirts, now this? And don’t look at me like that!” she warned when he looked at her admonishingly, “You know I’m on your side. I defended Sirius to the board, didn’t I? But we are both getting too old for this, this vigilante whatever you want to call it. Unless you’re hoping to be dismissed from this post. I’m sure you fancy a nice, boring retirement, don’t you?” she teased gently. Albus smiled.

“I assure you Minerva, I have no intentions of being dismissed. The board will have to have my cold body carted out.”

“And mine along with it, I suppose,” Minerva humphed.

 ****~~  
  


Later that evening, Lily Evans shivered alone at the bus stop. She checked her watch again, 7:50, fae wasn’t technically late, but Lily had really been hoping for expediency. Tonight of all nights…

She nearly jumped out of her skin when the bus came pulling up. She waited anxiously, and breathed a sigh of relief when Sirius finally stepped off. “About time,” she teased nervously.

“Well, I had to make up some BS your boyfriend would believe, and after that I don’t control the busses, love,” fae replied, looking cranky and disheveled, “James knows I don’t go out after the makeup is off, I mean, look at me! I look homeless!” Truly, Lily couldn’t help but smile at Sirius’s appearance. Normally stylishly made up, Sirius was wearing tatty sweatpants and a plush (stolen from his mother) fur coat. Faer face was pale and tired looking from the strain of daily makeup, making Sirius look half asleep.

“Well, you were homeless for a while, so…” Lily teased

“Yes, but I never looked it, did I?” Sirius pointed out grumpily, pulling faer hat down further to cover messy hair. “So, are you going to tell me why you insisted I meet you here in, and I quote, ‘complete and utter secrecy from James’?”

“Because..um, I didn’t want to go alone. And you seemed like a good option.” she replied, looking at the ground and pulling her coat tighter around her body.

 ****"I'm not following you."  
  


“There’s a clinic down a bit from here. Not for that!” she exclaimed, reacting to Sirius’ horrified expression “I’m negative, James and I got tested a couple months ago together.”

 ****"But?" Sirius prompted her

“But...I skipped a period.” she admitted. Sirius stared at her.

“Well, shit,” fae said after a few seconds of silence, “Does James know?”

Lily shook her head. Sirius whistled. “Fuck, do you two not know how to use a condom? Was my demonstration not enough? I mean, how dumb can you get? You’re 21, how are you two supposed to take care of a baby?” fae admonished, a hundred thoughts swirling around in faer head. _He’s_ _going to find out, he's going to marry her, isn't he? I'm going to lose my best friend because this hussy doesn't know how to use a condom..._

“I didn’t ask you here to bitch at me!” Lily snapped, “You think I don’t know this already? Christ Sirius…” she collapsed into a bench, burying her face in her hands. “I know, it’s fucking stupid, and I know that as soon as James finds out he’s going to be terrified, and I can’t expect him to stay, I fucking know all these problems exist, but first I need to find out if I’m actually pregnant! Excuse me for wanting to solve one problem at a time...and I’m sorry I didn’t want to do it alone….” she trailed off, a lump forming in her throat.

Sirius stared at her for a moment, guilt bubbling in faer stomach. _Fuck_. After a moment of awkward silence, faer sat beside her. “Hey, hey,” fae said quietly, pulling her into a sort of sideways hug. Lily welcomed the embrace, burying her fingers in Sirius’ plush coat. “You’re going to be fine, Evans, alright? James will know what to do, it’s alright. C’mon, let’s go. “ Fae took Lily by the hand and the pair started walking down the street. “I did suspect something was up, yanno,” fae continued, “I’m a queer and it’s 1989, you think I don’t know every clinic within five miles of me? Shit, a mini Prongs running around, that’s fucking mental. Where the fuck are we going to put a baby? We have too much beer lying about…”

Lily laughed, feeling safer and more sure than she had in days.

****  
  


 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recap: Sirius invited Remus on a group date sort of thing, Dumbledore and Minerva talked about Remus, and Lily and Sirius went to a clinic so Lily can get a pregnancy test. 
> 
> FYI, there is a flashback in this chapter that is in bold print. If anyone has issues reading bold print, you can leave a comment w your email address and I can send you a version without it.  
> Trigger warnings for: pregnancy, use of slurs, alcohol mention

Remus rolled over a few minutes before his alarm was meant to go off. Moodily, he stared at the neon numbers, willing them to turn backwards. When the *beep beep* of his alarm started to sound, Remus was forced to accept that time simply wouldn’t bend to his will. _I’m a sick man, I should be able to sleep as long as I fucking want._

Groaning, he smacked the clock until the fucking noise stopped, then rolled out of bed. The blankets rolled with him, so he clumsily wrapped them around his body while he walked to the kitchen. He still hadn’t had much time to properly move into the new place: most of his time had been spent begging door to door for a job. Even though he didn’t really own that much, the flat was a clutter of boxes. He navigated his way through the maze of his life to the coffee machine set up on the counter. It was the first thing he had set up when he moved in, and he quietly thanked Past Remus for being so smart.

Present Remus, with coffee in hand, decided that his stomach was in too much of an uproar for any more breakfast, so he carefully retreated back to his bedroom to hunt for something to wear. The day was sure to be cold, so he chose a button down and sweater, and dug around for a warm pair of slacks. The blanket draped around him was starting to slip, sending tremors of cold through his body. The chill made him think of Sirius, walking around that frigid museum in a skirt like it was nothing. What the hell was that about? Stupid healthy people with their resistance to temperature.

Remus knew that he should not have accepted Sirius’ invitation. There were two scenarios that could take place: Sirius might have only been trying politeness, reaching out to the new guy as was expected, and the plans would fall through. If that were the case, Remus could forget all about it, exchange friendly smiles with his coworkers, and go about his business.

Or worse, Sirius could have been sincere. Remus might really go out for drinks with them, maybe learn about them, start to like them. Maybe he could learn more about Sirius, maybe he could…

But then they’d find out. Maybe his pill bottle would fall out of his pocket, or he’d get sick and they’d riddle it out when a cold kept him bedridden for a month. And they would hate him. And he would be alone again.

Remus walked into the bathroom, and took a bottle off the sink. He used the last dregs of his coffee to choke down pills. He stared at his reflection. He looked like an old man, war worn and tired. He had baggage under his eyes that could tell tales and break hearts, but mostly just made him look so _fucking_ tired.

It’s 1989, and no one will love a man with AIDS. He turns away from his reflection, mug abandoned on the sink. He puts on his coat, checks his pocket, and walks out into the cold.

****~~~  
  


“Wake up.”

Sirius moaned, dragging a pillow over faer head. “Five minutes.”

“Wake the fuck up!” James whined, kicking at the bottom of the couch. Sirius whined at that, poking a hand out of faer cocoon of blankets to flash James a middle finger.

“I’ve already showered and coffee is making. We have to leave in fifteen minutes, up!” James repeated, plopping on top of the Sirius/blanket blob. “You stink of cigarettes,” he complained

“Then get your nose away from me,” Sirius grumbled. Tempted to just fall back asleep under James’ warmth, fae yawned. “Ugh. I’m up. Move your fat ass.” fae shoved, trying and failing to get the much larger boy to move. “Come on! Do you want me up or not! I’d be glad to just suffocate under you in peace. “ To prove faer point, Sirius closed faer eyes and yawned. 

“Well,” James replied, clumsily pushing himself up so he was sitting on the edge of the couch, “If you did that, you wouldn’t be able to see the new guy. But if you _really_ don’t want to get up,” he continued mournfully, “I suppose I’ll just give him your regrets.”

Sirius’ eyes snapped back open, “You will do no such thing! Move!” they commanded, kneeing him in the back. Laughing, James got up and went back to their tiny kitchen to find something breakfasty. Sirius rolled off the couch and sprung into action, rifling through the dresser they had shoved in a corner. “Fuck, I’m not going to have time to change before tonight, am I?” fae mourned.

“I’d think not, unless you want to kip something in a bag?” James suggested, staring intensely as he carefully cracked an egg into a bowl.

“What, so it can get wrinkled to hell? Please.” Sirius scoffed, digging around. Fae pulled out a black skirt and a purple top. “What about this?” fae asked, holding the items out with one arm while they rifled for tights of some sort.

“Perfect,” James replied, not moving his focus from the second egg.

“You aren’t even looking,” Sirius said, not turning either.

“I’m trying to concentrate! Do you want breakfast with egg shell bits in it?”

“Certainly not,” Sirius replied, settling on tights and turning around, “If tonight goes the way I’d like, I don’t need anything pointy wandering around my arsehole. Wouldn’t want to shred up his dick on his first night on the town,” fae teased, walking over and playfully smacking James on the bum.

“Don’t need to know the condition of your arsehole, Padfoot. Especially not when I’m making breakfast.” James replied, half annoyed half amused. “Besides, what do you care about how you leave his dick? Unless you actually plan on sleeping with the same person more than once.“  
  
“Shut it, Mr. Hetero - Monogamy Shit,” Sirius grumbled, sauntering away to the bathroom. “And none of that spicy sausage today!” Fae called over faer shoulder, “It gives me the shits.”

****~~~  
  


Lily rolled over in bed, thankful that her shift didn’t start until noon that day. She needed some time in bed, and she was dreading facing James. She wriggled a hand under the blankets and rested it on her stomach, trying to see if it stirred up any motherly type feelings. Her stomach didn’t feel much different than usual. If a positive test wasn’t weighing on her mind, she would have dismissed the strange feeling as a bit of bloating. Lily didn’t exactly feel motherly, but she did feel different. Older maybe? No, that wasn’t quite it either.

She laid in bed awake for a long while, hand cradling her stomach against the chilly air outside. She didn’t really think of much, just sort of let her mind wander for a bit. From her bed she could see out the window. She watched the snow float aimlessly from the sky to the ground.

She remembered a day years ago, cold and snowy like this one. She and her best friend used to love playing in the snow, she had taught Severus how to make snow men. One day they made a whole lot of little ones, all in a row with their lopsided bodies and bits of candy stuck to them in the shape of faces.

 

**“They look like little children almost!” Lily laughed**

**“We’re little children too,” Severus reminded her, shivering  in his thin coat. Lily examined the snow children for a moment.**

**“Well one day we won’t be. We’ll be grown ups, with children of our own.”**

**“Doesn’t that mean we’d have to get married to people?” Sev pointed out skeptically. They both pondered the concept for a moment, then made a face.**

**“I don’t ever want to get married!” Lily declared, “But, I’d like to be a mummy one day.”**

 

**“Maybe we could have children one day. Ew, not like that!” Sev insisted when Lily made a face at him, “Not like, married. Just as friends. We’re always going to be friends, right?”**

**“Right!”**

**“So let’s be friends forever, with a whole army of children, even more than this!” Severus exclaimed, gesturing at the snow children. Lily laughed, pleased to see her friend this excited over something.**

**“Alright. Lets.”**

 

Lily hadn’t spoken to Severus in years, but thinking of him still made her heart ache. Growing up the way he did, she supposed she shouldn’t be surprised, but when he’s started hanging out with a gang of frightening people, Lily had felt betrayed. He chose them over her, and she feared the sting would never heal.

A few months after Lily accepted her best friend wasn’t coming back, she packed her bags and left for London overnight. She ended up in the city with no friends, no where to live, and not much money to her name. She lived on the streets, showering in public gyms and finding odd jobs where she could. Eventually she had landed a steady job in a shop, where she met Sirius. When Sirius got fired for being a faggot, she walked out with fae. Fae introduced her to James and Peter, and suddenly her life just seemed to fall back into place. She found a place to live, a safe place to work, and called her parents for the first time in months. Everything was starting to be okay again.

Did she love James? Yes, of course she did. James was everything she needed. He was stable and reliable, but not stuffy and boring like some of the boys she’s messed around with, searching for some kind of stability. She could imagine a future with James. But a future without her best friend by her side seemed….strange. Lily hadn’t found another friend like him, and she feared that she never would. The fear of being abandoned was always in the back of her mind, closing her off from those around her.

James came with a friend group already established. He filled all the gaps left in her life. Lily was already smart, accomplished, and kind. All she had been missing was companionship. And James gave her that, in abundance. She spent almost all of her time with him and Sirius and Peter, they had welcomed her with open arms, and she felt like, maybe, she could trust again. Sirius had held her hand at the clinic the way she had once imagined Severus doing.

Perhaps a future without Severus wasn’t as scary as she thought it might be. And Lily made up her mind. She wanted this future.

_Alright, Lily, you’ve made a decision. Now, what’s the next step?_

__Lily pushed herself into a sitting position, pausing for a moment to let her heaving stomach settle. Once she felt confident she wouldn’t throw up last night’s dessert, she stood up and walked to her telephone. She dialed, and held the phone up to her ear.

“Hey, Mum. I know, it’s been a while. I’m sorry I haven’t rung. Things have been...interesting. Do you have time to talk?”

****~~~  
  


Sirius was nearly vibrating with excitement. Fae had stalled in the break room for as long as possible to make sure to catch Remus. When he finally arrived, he had confirmed their plans for that evening with a tired smile. Now, the rest of the day just needed to hurry the fuck up.

“Padfoot, you’re visibly vibrating.” James pointed out during their morning break.

“Isn’t there some scientific theory that says time moves faster if you keep moving?”

“Close enough.” Sirius conceded. “Fuck, These shoes hurt,” fae complained, sitting and slipping faer feet out of the pinching flats for a moment.

“You always bitch about those shoes, but you still keep them,”  James pointed out.

“Because they look good. Can you stop being such a boy for once?” Sirius whined. James smirked.

“Maybe later. C’mon, we’ve got to get back out there.” he offered a hand. Sirius groaned loudly before reluctantly slipping back on faer shoes and accepting James’ hand up.

“This boy had better be worth it.” fae muttered

****~~~

Remus was nearly vibrating with anxiety all day. It turned out Sirius wasn’t simply being kind, and seemed intent on torturing him. Remus could think of little else all day, more than once he badly mucked up someone’s ticket, and once just gave the patron a free pass out of sheer frustration. It was maddening. He didn’t feel right canceling, that would be impolite. But actually attending the gathering was sure to end in disaster. In between stamping tickets and “Have a nice day”s, he decided that his only recourse was to go out and make every effort not to make friends, while somehow also not being horribly rude to these people. It would be easy.

****Right?

~~~

James really just wanted to go out for a drink with his friends.  Lily had been acting odd all week, and he was sure a night out would soothe her nerves. They hadn’t seen Peter for a week: he had taken the week to visit his sick mum back home, and was getting back in the city just in time to meet them. Sirius was being an insufferable fuckass about this new guy, and poor Remus looked like he just needed a drink and a hug. He constantly looked terrified, like he thought one of the old ladies would claw his eyes out when he asked for ID before giving them a discount. He could probably use some friends, if Sirius didn’t fuck that up with faer libido.

As far as he was concerned, this day couldn’t end quick enough. He wanted to hold his girlfriend in his arms and laugh with his friends.

******  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my sympathy for Sev shows a bit in this chapter lol. I've written more on the idea of gang mentality regarding Severus Snape, and how his situation can be compared to real life relationship between underprivileged children and gang involvement. I hope one day to write a proper essay on it, not just ranty Tumblr posts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recap: Remus is a broody asshole, Lily is pregnant and contemplated her friendship with Severus, and the group is about to go out for a night on the town. 
> 
> Triggers: Discussion of pregnancy, discussion of terminal illness, alcohol use, non con (it doesn't go very far). Also, I use italics in this chapter. If you need a copy without italics, let me know

When the day finally drew to a close and it was time to lock up the exhibits, Sirius was fit to burst.

“You said Pete is sure he’s going to meet us? That he knows where to get there? You remember what happened last time he went home alone.” James worried, checking his watch.

“He found his way home, eventually.” Sirius replied, checking faer makeup in a glass display. “He’ll be fine.”  
  
“Yeah,” James replied, thinking deeply. “Hey Padfoot, can I ask you something?” he asked.

“Course mate, what is it?”

“Has Lily seemed a bit...off?” James asked hesitantly. Sirius was careful not to turn, focusing on the reflection in the glass.

“Why?” fae replied.

“I dunno, maybe I’m imagining it. She just seemed a bit...I dunno, distant these past couple days? It’s kind of freaking me out.” James admitted. Lily had always been an emotionally closed off person, but there was just something different about her behavior the past week. It made James’ imagination come to some very shit conclusions.

“What, you think she’s going to ditch you?” Sirius asked, “I doubt that, she adores you, you know that. You’re probably just imagining it.”

“Yeah, you might be right,” James admitted, feeling relieved. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Sirius turned and smiled, relieved at the turn the conversation had taken. “C’mon, she’s probably waiting for us. You two will have all night to be gross together.”

“Try to contain your disgust.”

“Do I ever?”

**  
**

~~

**  
**

Remus was visibly shaking in the break room waiting for Sirius and James to meet him. _Really, a group of stupid twenty somethings should not be this terrifying_ he tried to reason to himself. It didn’t help. He checked his back pocket again to make sure he still had the rest of the pills for the night. They were there, secure in a small baggie that used to hold buttons. He nearly jumped out of his skin when the door opened.

“Whoops, did I startle you? Sorry about that, you’re Remus, right?” a tiny red head asked. Seriously, she had to be Hobbit sized, child sized, something-else-very-small sized. She was a bit plump, with shortish red hair that fell in gentle curls around her face. 

“Uh, yeah, that’s me. You’re Lily?” he replied, hoping she wouldn’t go for a handshake.

“Yep, that’s me, the others should be along soon. Sirius has told me all about you, don’t worry, only good things.” she babbled on cheerily, grabbing her light green coat off the stand and pulling it on. “To be honest, fae is probably in some corner checking their makeup, making them late. Sirius always does that, it drives James bonkers. He has a _thing_ about being on time, yanno what I mean?”

“Uh, yeah, I do. My mum’s like that, very punctual.” Remus replied. He couldn’t help but feel himself relaxing a bit around Lily, something about her just put him at ease. She seemed like the kind of person who could carry a conversation by herself without him having to do much work at all. He appreciated that in a person. Maybe she spends so much time talking she won’t notice…  

“Sorry, we’re a few minutes late, aren’t we?” James said as he walked through the door. He made a beeline for Lily and put an arm around her, which made Remus smile. Sirius came in behind, wearing another damned skirt in this weather.

“Just a few dear, but we aren’t in a rush. Better to give Pete a few minutes, just in case.” Lily answered her boyfriend, stepping into him and going up on her tip toes to kiss his cheek.

“Peter’s our other man, he’ll be meeting us there,” James explained to Remus while leaning into Lily’s kiss. “He was out of town visiting his mum, and he’s a bit rubbish with busses so he might be late.”

“He’s ended up on the opposite end of London more than once,” Sirius chuckled, “Once he had to hitch a ride with an old lady back.”

“She gave us those amazing biscuits though,” James pointed out. Lily made an mmm sound in agreement. Remus just sort of stood stiffly while this exchange was going on, trying very hard to look engaged, but probably coming off more constipated. Oh well.

“Well, shall we go then?” Sirius suggested, grabbing an enormous fluffy coat of a rack and smiling at Remus. Remus returned the smile, mostly just grateful that Sirius had a decent coat in this cold. Now the only concern was faer legs freezing off.

Sirius attached faerself to Remus’ side, pointing out different streets and building as they passed. Remus tried to pay attention, but couldn’t help but be distracted by how close faer was. Close and smelling very good...like some kind of flowery perfume maybe? Whatever it was, it was distracting, and the only reason Remus spend so much time looking at his guide. The only reason he noticed things like how Sirius’ hair bounced as fae walked, and how faer cheeks blushed red from the cold and matched faer lipstick almost perfectly.

Lily and James trailed behind them. Lily was clinging to James’ hand like a lifeline, and he was not about to complain. As they walked, he tried to sneak glances at her face to read her expression. She caught him each time and smiled at him, but something still seemed off. _I guess I just have to wait for her to tell me,_ he thought, resolving not to worry about it in the meantime. Tonight was going to be fun. It was a dark winter night, and the neon lights of late night London were beckoning them. He took a deep breath of cold air and smiled. Everything was going to be fine.

**  
**  


~~

**  
**

Wow, this music was really loud. Really, really loud. It made Remus’ head vibrate in a way he wasn’t sure he liked. He had to fight the urge to grab either side of his head and hold it still. Before he had quite registered his surroundings, Sirius had grabbed his hand and dragged him through dancing bodies to a row of semi-circular booths in the back. They hurriedly claimed one, draping their coats across the seats to establish occupancy before sitting down on top of them. Remus ended up in the middle, squished in between Lily and Sirius, who immediately started chattering over him.

“Remus. Remus!”

It took Remus a moment to isolate James’ voice from the din. When he did, his head shot up with an apologetic look.

“What do you want to drink? It’s on me tonight, we’re celebrating!”

“Celebrating what?” Remus asked.

“My friends are here, that’s enough reason for me.” James shouted back, smiling, “What do you want?”

“Uh, a beer is fine. Whatever. Thanks.” Remus forced out.

“Get me a Cosmo, Mama wants to fucking dance tonight!” Sirius crowed, tossing faer hair over faer shoulder and looking pointedly at Remus. Remus wished he could disappear into the floor.

“Lil, what do you want?” James yelled.

“Uh, I don’t want anything.” she replied, not looking up.

“Really? Lily Evans isn’t in the mood for booze?” James asked, looking playfully astonished. Remus couldn’t help but notice how uncomfortable Lily looked.

“Yeah, I’m just not feeling it tonight.” she replied nonchalantly. James shrugged and turned to struggle through the sea of bodies towards the bar.

“It’s only 9:30, is it always this crowded here?” Remus leaned in to ask Lily.

“Oh yeah,” she replied, “This is one of the better queer clubs in town.”

“Which basically means the booze is cheap, and there is a minimal amount of queens doing crack in the bathroom,” Sirius interjected, “Which, if you ask me, is a waste of good contouring.” Lily nodded in agreement, to what Remus wasn’t entirely sure.

“Wow,” was the only response he could come up with. Sirius laughed.

“You really are new to this, aren’t you? Even with that earring in your ear.” fae said, leaning in, “Don’t worry, hon,” fae whispered into Remus’ ear, sending a shiver down the back of his neck, “I can show you the ropes,” Sirius continued. Remus nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his knee, but he didn’t pull away. Sirius seemed to take that as consent, and didn’t move it. To be honest, Remus wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted at the moment. His ears were becoming used to the noise, now he could discern voices from music, and mostly follow Sirius and Lily’s conversation.

“Hey hey, look who I found!” James yelled, pushing through the dance floor and pulling a mousey looking fellow and a waitress with their drinks. The fellow smiled sheepishly before sliding into the booth next to Sirius.

“Nice to see ya Wormtail, you didn’t get lost this time!” Sirius crowed, affectionately mussing up the other’s hair.

“Yea, I made it. Uh, who is…” the boy trailed off, looking suspiciously at Remus.

“New guy, Remus,” Lily elaborated. Wormtail made an “Oh, I see” face.

“I’ve generously offered to show him around.” Sirius added, giving Remus’ knee a squeeze. Wormtail snorted.

“Yea, I bet you offered. Hey Remus, I’m Peter.” the new boy said, leaning forward to nod at Remus. Remus offered a smile and a wave, not trusting actual words to come out of his mouth at this point. He reached for the beer the waitress had slid to him and took a sip. He honestly didn’t care much for beer, he prefered a red wine or a whiskey, but had simply blurted out the first drink that came to mind when James asked. It seemed rude not to drink it now, and perhaps a buzz would be good for him right now.

“So Pete, how’s mum?” James asked. Peter shrugged.

“About as good as can be expected. Dad and I are just making enough to make her comfortable, so,” he trailed off.

“Pete’s mum has lung cancer,” Lily explained to Remus, “Pete sends money home to her, his dad doesn’t make much.”

“Shit,” Remus said “Sorry about that,” he called to Peter. Peter shrugged.

“It was real nice of Dumbledore to give you that week off, Maybe we should do something for him?” James suggested

“I have the perfect idea! A giant purple dildo,” Sirius suggested, “Leave it on the old faggot’s desk to find, he’ll thank us.”

“We are not buying our boss a dildo.” Lily said firmly. Remus watched as Sirius shot a knowing look across the table to James, who grinned and winked. _Well, that’s certainly going to be interesting._

For a while, the group just sat together and talked, shouting to hear each other over the din. Remus began to relax a bit, drinking his beer and observing the conversation. He didn’t participate much, but the ease at which these people fit together astounded him. Really, they didn’t seem very much alike, but they were laughing and joking like family. He found himself letting his guard down just a bit, laughing at their jokes and leaning into Sirius’ touch. Maybe this wasn’t a complete mistake. He had another beer and let himself smile at Sirius.  

As the night wore on, the majority of the group became more and more intoxicated. Peter, after two rounds of shots, rustled up the courage to ask a girl in a very glittery dress to dance. “Maybe she’s bisexual,” Lily pointed out when Remus pondered the wisdom of flirting with a girl in a gay bar. James found himself on a karaoke stage, being cheered on by a number of skinny twinks who were surely not old enough to be there. He was truly an awful singer, but they didn’t seem to care.

“Dance with me,” Sirius purred into Remus’ ear, tugging on his arm.

“I don’t think we should leave Lily alone…” Remus tried, looking at Lily for assistance. Sitting and drinking was one thing, but dancing was a frightening  _no_.

“You two go have fun,” Lily winked, spectacularly unhelpfully, “I’ve got to make sure none of those boys takes my man home. “

Without a good excuse, Remus let Sirius pull him out of the booth and into the swarm of bodies on the dance floor. Even buzzed, Remus wasn’t much of a dancer. For the first few moments he stood awkwardly still while Sirius danced, grinding and dropping in ways that didn’t seem quite possible in such a little skirt. After a few moments he started to feel the rhythm, and managed to sway along with the crowd. It really wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be, yes it was loud but Sirius looked so beautiful under the lights….

Fuck

Remus looked down at his watch. He was ten minutes past due for a pill. He had to tell Sirius something….bathroom! He’d say he needed a piss...but Sirius wouldn’t stay still long enough for Remus to talk. After a few minutes of awkwardly bobbing his head to try and reach faer ear, Remus settled for grabbing Sirius’ arm and pulling fae close.

“I need to get out of here. I’m going to run to the bathroom, I’ll come back and meet you,” He shouted over the music. Sirius pulled back and gave him a big smile, then nodded. Relieved that fae didn’t ask any more questions, Remus started pushing through people.

**  
**

~~

**  
**

Sirius wanted to laugh at Remus’ old man dancing. Really, it was either embarrassing or cute, but Sirius was too drunk to decide which. All Sirius knew was that fae wanted Remus to slam them against the nearest available surface. Soon.

Fae was just starting to formulate a plan to get them out of there when Remus grabbed them closer. It was almost impossible to hear him over the pounding music

“....bathroom….meet you?”

Fuck yes.

Sirius pulled back and nodded, giving faer best bedroom eyes. Remus smiled and nodded, pulling away to disappear into the crowd.

Maybe the boy isn’t so shy after all, Sirius thought. Fae waited a few seconds, then pushed into the crowd after him.

**  
**

~~

**  
**

Compared to the main room, the bathroom felt blissfully quiet. Remus just leaned against the sink for a moment, giving himself a second to breathe. He turned on the faucet to cup some water into his right hand, using his left to dig into his pocket for his pills.

“Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long, baby,”

Remus jumped and spun around, Sirius suddenly right up against him.  “I-I didn’t hear you come in…” he stammered.  _Shitshitshitshitshit...._

“I can be very sneaky, that’s why James calls me Padfoot.” fae giggled, tracing faer hands down from Remus’ shoulders to his hands. He shuddered.

“..oh?” Remus replied weakly. Sirius nodded.

“Yes, I’m very sneaky. So sneaky in fact,” fae continued, leading Remus into one of the stalls, “That you could fuck me right in here and no one would notice. Unless you’d like that,” fae continued, before pulling him into a kiss.

Remus froze when their lips touched. His mind screamed at him to stop them what the hell are you doing? MOVE! But his body refused to comply. Sirius didn’t seem to mind at first, licking and biting at Remus’ lips. When fae finally realized Remus wasn’t responding, fae pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” fae asked, looking confused. Remus pulled his hands back, and took a step back.

“I-I can’t...I mean I want, but I can’t, I” he stammered, the pill somehow still stuck to the inside of his palm.

“You can’t what? Don’t you like me?” Sirius pouted, “You told me to meet you, and now you’re just - “

“Wait, no!” Remus interrupted “I didn’t say that, when did I say that? I said I’d come back and meet you.”

“...oh.” Sirius said after a moment. Fae looked at the ground, looking very uncomfortable. “Well, I’ll get out of your way,” fae said awkwardly, moving to push past Remus out of the stall. Remus felt a pang of guilt.

“Wait, Sirius, just,” he paused, searching for words, “You are very cool. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I’m cool?” Sirius repeated, looking annoyed now, “Look, if you don’t want a fuck just say so and - “

“That’s not what I’m saying!” Remus interrupted, “Do you always put words in people’s mouths like that?” he snapped. Sirius flinched, looking hurt.

“Whatever,” fae mumbled, “Just get the fuck out of my way,”

“No wait, just,” Remus groaned in frustration, “No, I don’t want to...to fuck you, but it’s not because I don’t like you.”

“What, you’re just afraid to fuck a dude in a dress?” Sirius snapped

“What, no!” Remus started, “That’s not it at all, it’s just...I just…”

“Just fucking what?” Sirius yelled. Remus stood quietly, then sighed. Well, here goes nothing, he thought, holding out his left hand. Sirius looked at him for a minute, then took the pill from his sweaty palm.

“What is this?” fae asked quietly.

“It’s my AZT.” Remus answered nervously, “Usually people know me for more than two days before they find out.” Sirius didn’t reply for a few minutes. Fae just stared at the tiny pill in faer hand.

“Are you telling me,” they said in a deathly calm voice that made Remus take a step back, “That you just almost infected me?”

“What? What no!” Remus exclaimed, “I wasn’t going to, I mean, you’re missing the whole point - “

“What? You weren’t going to tell me until after you fucked me?” Sirius spat.

“I was trying my very best not to fuck you!” Remus retorted, fear bubbling in the back of his throat. _Shit, this was a bad idea, shit shit shit…_ “I just, I just wanted to spend time with you! Sirius, you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone. If anyone knew - “

“Oh, and now you expect me to keep your precious secret?” fae threw the pill on the ground and shoved Remus out of the way, “Fuck you” fae yelled, “Selfish bastard. I hope you die in a damn ditch,” Remus just stood quietly as they walked out.

_Fuck._

**  
**

~~

**  
**

“C’mon sweetheart, I can’t carry you.” Lily whined, dragging her knackered boyfriend down the road. Peter had disappeared with the apparently bisexual girl, and something had happened with Remus and Sirius, so she was completely alone with her lovely oaf.

“Tonight was fun,” James murmured, letting Lily push him in the general direction of home.

“We’ll see what your best friend has to say about that tomorrow.” she replied. She was worried, Sirius had looked livid, and Remus just...well not good. But there was nothing to be done about it until morning.

“Lily, Lil wait,” James stuttered, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her into a hug. She laughed and let him embrace her, letting her arms rest on his waist. The advantage of having such a tall boyfriend was that they fit perfectly together for hugs. She could comfortably rest her arms on his hip bones, while his rested on her shoulders. He snuggled his face into the top of her head. “I love you so much.” he muttered into her hair.

“I love you too, James.” she replied, resting her cheek against his chest.

“No, Lil,” he replied, pulling her away and looking her in the eye, “I love you so much, I want to get a dog with you.”

“A dog, really?” she replied, laughing.

“Yeah, a dog, and a house, and a normal grown up job and shit. I want to be a grown up with you.” he continued, taking her hands and swinging them back and forth. Lily smiled, and looked at James.

“I want to be a grown up with you too, dear.” she laughed. He shook his head.

“No, really!” he insisted.

“Yes really...James, I’m pregnant.” she blurted out. He blinked.

“You’re who?” he slurred

“Pregnant,” she repeated. He looked at her for a moment in confusion, then broke into a wild grin.

“Pregnant?” he asked. Lily nodded, “Pregnant!” he yelled, throwing his arms around her waist and lifting her into the air. “My girlfriend is pregnant!” he shouted. Lily shouted in surprise, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

“Yes, I’m pregnant, so you shouldn’t pick me up, you idiot!” she laughed.

“Oh shit, yea!” he exclaimed, gingerly setting her down. Once her feet were firmly on the ground, he leaned down to look into her eyes. “Lily.” he said seriously.

“Yes, my love?”

“I’m too drunk for this right now.” he stated, blinking slowly. Lily laughed.

“I know honey. Come on, let’s go home.” she answered, taking his hand. Together, they followed London’s night time lights back home.

**  
**

~

****  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recap: Sirius tried to do sex things with Remus, who admitted to fae that he has HIV. Sirius is not amused. Meanwhile, Lily told her very drunk boyfriend that she is pregnant.

Sirius turned the water as hot as fae could stand it before stripping quickly and jumping in. The water rinsed away makeup and sweat from the night before, and maybe a little regret. Actually, more than a little regret. A shit ton of regret.

The boy was gorgeous, who could blame Sirius for wanting to tap that? That shy smile and adorably grandpa way of dressing, everything about Remus screamed sexy librarian. And it certainly wasn’t the _worst_ hookup fae had ever had…

Except...

Usually when this sort of thing happened, the boy’s eyes didn’t linger in the back of faer mind. Sirius couldn’t help but think of the sort of hesitant way Remus’ eyes lit up when he smiled, and fae imagined what his arms would feel like wrapped -

_**Nope**_. Nope, no not going there. Not going to think about that. Also not going to think about the cute awkward way Remus danced, or the look of fear in his eyes last night... _no_. Not going to think about any of that.

Fae stayed in the heat until the lump in faer throat went away, then jumped out again. Throwing on a pair of boxers, fae walked back out of the bathroom in search of something to ease a raging migraine.

“Morning,” James mumbled from the kitchen, cradling a mug of coffee close to his chest.

“Morning,” Sirius replied, pushing past him for a cup.

“How did it go last night? I don’t remember much past karaoke,” James admitted, rubbing his head. Sirius shrugged. “What, no carefully detailed replay of your hook up? Or did you scare him off?”  
  
“Fuck off,” Sirius muttered moodily. Fae took their newly filled cup and stomped over to curl up on the couch.

“Not in the mood to talk, I see, fine. Can’t say I’m in the mood to listen, my head feels like it’s about to split,” James commented, bringing his cup to his lips, then changing his mind. “Ever get the feeling that you’ve forgotten something important?” he asked. Sirius hmphed in response. “Because I feel like I should remember something. Ah, well.” James continued, walking over to join Sirius on the couch. “I guess I’ll just ask Lily later, she’d remember anything important I did.”

“Maybe you did one of those kids who snuck in.” Sirius snarked. James shuddered.

“Christ, them I remember. They couldn’t have been more than 16, who the hell let them in?”

“Same people who let your stupid baby face in.”

“Shut it.”

****~~  
  


Remus, as was his habit when he didn’t have anywhere to be, slept until nearly noon that Saturday. Even when he did wake up, he only got out of bed to take a pill and piss. Then it was back in bed, wrapped in every blanket he had. Really, the more healthy thing to do would have been to get up and distract himself. Clean up the new flat, go shopping for some actual food, do literally anything but lay in bed and brood over Sirius Black. But there he was, lying and brooding like the pathetic faggot he was.

Truthfully, Remus had no right to be so hung up over Sirius. He had only known fae for a few days. It wasn’t as if he was in love. Yes, he had been excited by the prospect of maybe being close to someone other than his mother for fucking once, yes his stomach did a stupid fluttery thing every time fae smiled at him, and yes Remus wanted nothing more than to spend time with Sirius. But. He still had absolutely no reason to be this upset. Sirius had claim to all brooding rights. The rejection of faer advances coupled with the impression that their health was in danger definitely equaled lots of bitterness and embarrassment.

Although Remus was a bit offended by the second bit. As if he would ever put anyone at risk like that, really, how little did Sirius think of him? He had been trying to refuse, Sirius was very persistent! And an excellent kisser.

Despite this, really, he had no right to be upset. The bad things in this situation didn’t happen to him. It was completely and utterly his fault.

And yet, there he was, still lying and pondering the previous night’s events by two pm. Fuck.

Fuck it. What’s done is done. Remus rolled out of bed wrapped in sheets, a butt flu burrito if you will. He forced himself to walk into the kitchen and eat a bit of takeaway soup he had left over.

_You are going to be an adult about this, dammit._ He instructed himself,  _you’re going to forget last night, and spend the rest of the weekend trying to become a functioning human being. Starting with unpacking. And you’re going to pray that Sirius keeps their mouth shut._

~~ ****

Lily spent the majority of the morning curled over the toilet.  _I might as well have drank,_ she thought grumpily, taking cautious sips of water between barfing. That’s what you were meant to do when you were sick, right? Stay hydrated? Whatever, it got rid of the nasty taste in her mouth at least. She groaned aloud when she heard the knock at the door. “If you’re James, let yourself in. If you’re not, leave!” she yelled, curling up in a ball on the cool floor. Mmm, that felt nice. She listened to the click of the lock turning and waited for James to join her.

“Evans?” she heard “Where are you? I came to hide, Sirius is being a fucking nightmare.”  
  
“I’m not going to be much better company.” She grumbled, knocking her fist against the floor, “In here!”

James followed her voice, appearing in the doorway with two mugs in hand. “Well I brought you some coffee, but you don’t look like you want it.” he remarked, awkwardly sitting on the floor next to her. He didn’t quite fit, and was extremely uncomfortable to tell the truth, but he’d manage. He set the mugs down on a spot of unoccupied floor and ran a hand through Lily’s hair. She nuzzled into the touch, whining. “I thought you didn’t drink last night. Or did you sneak a little something while I was serenading you?” James teased.

“Right, because I can drink right now.” Lily grumbled.

“What are you talking about? You probably hold your liquor better than anyone I know, considering you’re a midget. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this hungover.”

Lily looked at her boyfriend for a moment. “James, I’m not hungover.” she said slowly.

 

“Alright, weirdo,” James replied even more slowly, grinning, “So, what, you’re ill? I’ll keep you company. I could go out and get you some soup or something? That’s what Mum always did when I was ill. Soup and water with a little bit of peppermint. She said - “

“James,” Lily cut him off, pushing herself slowly into a sitting position, “How much do you remember from last night?” he shrugged

“Um, last thing I remember is karaoke and a bunch of kids out way past their bedtime. Wait, I think I remember getting home too, you said I should go back to my flat to check for Sirius. That’s about it.” he finished. Lily sighed.

“Shit, you mean I have to tell you again?” she groaned, looking anywhere but him. Or at the toilet.

“Tell me what?”

“James. I didn’t drink last night, now I’m puking all over. I’m cranky, I’ve definitely gained weight already, no matter what Sirius says...could you please just put the pieces together yourself?” she begged. James looked at her, brows furrowed.

“Lily, do you mean you’re..? I mean, you know,” he looked pointedly at her stomach.

****“Ten weeks.” she answered. James whistled.

“Well shit. I guess we should talk about that, huh?” he said, reaching for his coffee. Lily looked down.

“Yes, but just listen for a minute, okay?” she implored. James nodded and mimed zipping his lips. “James... I’m keeping it, I definitely want to keep it. But if you don’t want to, you know, stick around, I...completely understand.”

“Are you kidding,” James stared. Lily shrugged helplessly. “Evans, are you really fucking serious right now? Lily…” he sighed, scooting closer to put an arm around her, “I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
“Really?” she squeaked, holding back tears at this point. Or vomit. Same thing, really.

“Yes, really,” James repeated, smiling a little breathlessly. “I mean, shit, we’re going to be parents!”

“We’re going to have a kid,” Lily marveled.

“Shit, we are kids!” James replied, looking a bit horrified. Lily giggled. “We have less than nine months to learn how to be functioning adults! I’m going to have to buy so many baby books,” he mused. Lily snuggled closer to him, letting him talk about baby books and health insurance and she lost track of what else. For a while, the little family just sat on the cheap linoleum floor together. And it felt very right.

****  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi it's been a really long time im sorry i suck. But this is a r long chapter, and it gets into the main conflict more so yeah. Trigger warning for homophobia & implied PTSD flashbacks

Peter shifted uncomfortably in his seat at James’ flat. James and Lily had just announced their pregnancy. Just as he had returned to his friends, they were all virtually ignoring him. He may as well have been a potato sitting there. Actually, a potato would have gotten more attention that he did. Fucking hell. He took another swig of his beer and waited. Surely there would be a lull in the conversation soon, he’d get a word in somewhere, right?

He took his chance when Lily ran off to be sick and James followed her (did it really take two people to throw up?). “What happened with you and that new guy the other night? I heard you two slipped away for some ‘one on one time’.” he leaned over to Sirius, grinning. Sirius scowled.

“Nothing, why, you interested?” fae snapped moodily.

“Shit, touched a nerve? Or didn’t he?” Peter continued, snorting. Sirius pouted and pointedly looked away, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and pulling one out.

“Shut your fat mouth, would you?” Sirius muttered, sticking the fag in faer mouth and lighting it. Deflated, Peter sank back in his seat and took a long swig of beer. _Sorry for trying to make conversation_ he thought moodily. The two sat in silence, broken by the sounds of Lily retching and James’ attempts to comfort her. A few minutes later, James emerged from the bathroom. “Shit, I hope she doesn’t do that the whole time,” he mused, walking over to the fridge and opening it.

“How’s your mum, Pete?” he asked over his shoulder as he rummaged around for a beer.

“Dying.” Peter said moodily, no longer in the mood for conversation. He swallowed the last dregs of his beer and stood up. “I’m going to head home,” he said gruffly, tossing the bottle in the general direction of the bin and pulling his coat on.

“This early?” James wondered, “Tired, huh? See you at work tomorrow?” Peter humphed in return and stomped out, shutting the door with much more force than was probably necessary. “What’s up his arse?” James wondered out loud, walking over to join Sirius on the couch. “Nothing, that’s his problem,” Sirius joked around a mouthful of smoke. James chuckled. “Maybe.”

~~

Sirius had never dreaded work this much in faer life. Fae would rather shave their head than go into work and have to look Remus Lupin in the eye. Well, maybe not. But fae really fucking did not want to go. However, fae was capitalism’s bitch, and had to tredge to the museum, all but hiding behind James’ slightly larger figure.

“You know, he’s probably more scared of you than you are of him,” James said for the fourth time.

“Bullshit,” Sirius replied, for the fourth time as well. “You know, I’m feeling a bit off. Maybe I should just head back. Sleep for the rest of my life.”

“Not allowed,” James replied, far too brightly really.

“I understand that you’re all glowing and shit, but could you perhaps have a bit of sympathy?” Sirius complained, pushing faer hair out of faer face. Fae had chosen a more subdued outfit for the day, reflecting their less than chipper mood. The too big pink sweater fae wore under their coat was comforting in a way only a good sweater could be.

“Maybe I’d have more sympathy if you told me what happened?” James hinted. It was very out of character for Sirius to be so withholding - fae usually told James everything, especially when he didn’t want to hear it.

“It’s the sort of story that only gets more depression with retelling.” Sirius replied gruffly. Truthfully, fae had been trying not to think about the encounter in the bathroom with Remus. It was too...too? Well, it was too something. Too something to be admitted out loud. There was pride to be considered here. Pride that was effectively dashed to pieces when Sirius stepped foot in the employee lounge. Remus was sat on the couch, coffee in hand, fucking shivering like a sick kitten. When Sirius and James walked in he jumped nearly a foot in the air. James said something to him and he responded, but Sirius didn’t catch it. Fae looked away, trying to swallow the anger boiling up in faer throat. Why was this boy, this complete asshole, allowed to look so precious? It wasn’t fucking fair. Sirius pulled off faer coat, hung it up, and stomped out of the room.

~~

Remus sat awkwardly, clinging to his coffee as he watched Sirius storm out. His stomach twisted in knots, so that’s how this was going to be? Fucking hell.

“Listen,” James began, “I’m not entirely sure what went on with you two, or if I even want to know. So I’m just going to pretend everything’s fine, alright?”

“Fake it til we make it,” Remus agreed, surprised. He had been expecting James to shun him, weren’t he and Sirius extremely close? Whatever, too much to think of this early in the morning. He took another sip of his coffee. “Is Lily working today?” he asked.

“She’s coming in for an afternoon shift,” James explained, grabbing a coffee for himself as well as he spoke, “Good thing too, she’s been miserably sick in the mornings.”

“Oh, is she alright?”

“Well she’s miserable at the moment, but, um, we’re actually having a baby.” James announced, grinning. Remus raised his eyebrows.

“Really? That’s terribly exciting, congratulations! You’re naming it after Dumbledore, right?” Remus joked. He couldn’t help the judgemental thoughts that crept into the back of his head - who exactly gets pregnant this young?? But James seemed pleased enough, so Remus decided he may as well be pleased too.

“Definitely. Little Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Evans - Potter.” James agreed, chuckling. “Lily will love that.”

“You’re hyphenating then? That name isn’t long enough for you?” Remus continued, praying mentally that he wasn’t overstepping. His previous intentions of keeping to himself had already gone to shit, so it couldn’t hurt to make conversation...right?

“We haven’t discussed it yet. Actually…” James trailed off, opening the break room door, peering out into the corridor, then closing it again. “Can you keep a secret?” he asked. Remus nodded. James sat his coffee down on the table and sat next to Remus. He pulled a small box out of his pocket, displaying the small ring inside.

“It’s beautiful,” Remus commented, admiring the silver band. It had a few small green stones set in the top that sparkled against the black velvet box.

“I’ve actually had this for a while,” James admitted, flushing slightly. “I wasn’t going to actually ask her for a while, but we’re having a kid together now, so why wait? Do you think she will like it?”

“I don’t really know her that well, I couldn’t say,” Remus replied, “But it will look very nice on her!” he added quickly when James’ face fell, “The green will compliment her hair nicely. And if she’s willing to get sick to have your kid, I’m sure she’s going to say yes.”

“I think she will. At least, I hope,” James grinned, closing the box and tucking it carefully back in his pocket. “She gets a bit skittish about commitment sometimes - it was a whole thing. But you may be right, she’s puking for me, so why shouldn’t she want to marry me?” he finished, jumping up to grab his coffee again. “I’m really nervous though,” he admitted.

“Well, I suppose that’s natural. I’ve never asked someone to marry me before, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Not really your area, huh?” James asked. Remus shifted uncomfortably.

“I wouldn’t go that far. Just...never been in anything so serious” he replied, cursing his choice of words as soon as they left his mouth. James raised his eyebrows, not missing it.He sighed and looked down at the floor for a moment, before looking back up with a decided look on his face. 

“Look, we don’t know each other that well, but a word of advice about Sirius: Fae is a proud son of a bitch. Like I said, I don’t know what happened with you two. Maybe it was your fault, maybe it was theirs. But if you’re waiting for an apology, or for Sirius to come to you to work it out, it’s not going to happen. Go talk to them, if you want. To be honest, I think fae wants you to. But you didn’t hear that from me!” James warned, wagging his finger. Remus nodded.

“My lips are sealed,” Remus agreed. James nodded.

“Well, I’ll see you in a bit then?” he asked, checking his watch.

“Yeah, later,” Remus agreed. He didn’t watch James leave, choosing instead to stare into his cup. He sat there for a while longer, shivering and trying to decide how to proceed. Really, he had two options: he could confront Sirius and try to repair some semblance of friendship, or he could just let it go. Against his better judgement, there was a large part of Remus that really did want to become friendly with Sirius again. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something drew him to faer. Something about that mischievous smile and flirty little skirt just wouldn’t leave him be. Maybe, just maybe, he could make this right. He could explain himself, assure Sirius that he had no intention of putting faer in any danger, and maybe smooth things over. Of course, Sirius might just tell him to go die again. But maybe it was worth the risk.

Fuck it.

 _Why not? You only live once, right? Besides, I fucking deserve to be happy_. Resolute now, Remus tossed his now cold coffee and went to start his shift. With any luck, he wouldn’t talk himself out of taking the risk by the end of the day.

~~

“Can you believe this?” Minerva raged, shoving Dumbledore’s office door and brandishing the board letter in her hand.

“Probably. What are you talking about?” he asked, having just taken a seat. He rubbed his chest, hoping to assuage the pain radiating from his chest. Minerva slammed the letter on his desk in front of him.

“Haven’t you checked your mailbox? I don’t know who distributed these, but it sure as hell wasn’t me.” she raged, pacing back and forth. “I can’t believe they would appoint that” (at this point, Minerva used a descriptive word that made Dumbledore raise his eyebrows) “as dogcatcher, let alone Head of Employee Relations!” Dumbledore skimmed through the letter, raising his eyebrows.

“Professor Dolores Umbridge? Isn’t she the one who writes articles calling queers a scourge on society?”

“The same.” Minerva replied grimly, “You may also be familiar with her essays on conversion therapy for gay youth. Or maybe her lovely pieces discussing forced sterilization for female criminals?”

“That does ring a bell,” he replied heavily, “Well, it seems we have a problem, my dear.”

“A problem? Albus, we are fucked! She will go through our employee records, and you’ll be lucky not to be fired on the spot. And if she decides to visit, forget it! Sirius Black will disappear in the middle of the night, and we’ll never see them again. She’ll sack half our staff in a week!” she raged, her voice cracking slightly. It's not fair,  _it's not fair_ , _we've been working for years to keep them safe._

“A very large problem, yes.” He replied, setting down the letter and rubbing his eyes, “I can tell, because you’ve used vulgar language twice in the last five minutes. That may be the most you’ve sworn all year.”

“Well, this is an extreme occasion,” she bristled, “But that’s not the point! Albus,” she sighed, sitting across his desk from him. “What are we going to do?”

~~

 _I hate everything_ Sirius thought to themself, forcing a smile as yet another person gave faer an odd look and whispered to their companion. Really? This outfit is going to make people talk? When faer shift finally ended at four they practically sprinted away, seeking the refuge of the break room. But alas, no rest for the wicked. Who else would be waiting there but Remus Lupin.

“Hey. Could we talk?” he asked quietly. He was sitting in the same spot he had been that morning, although instead of holding a cup of coffee he was wringing his hands together.

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about.” Sirius replied coldly.

“We do,” Remus insisted, “You think I’m some kind of scumbag, and that’s not true.”

“Oh? So if wasn’t you who tried to sleep with me without telling me you were positive?” Sirius replied, voice rising in irritation. Remus jumped slightly.

“Say it a bit louder, why don’t you. People aren’t afraid to shake my hand yet,” he snapped “And I wasn’t the one trying to have sex, you’re the one who jumped on me!”

“Oh please, like you didn’t want it.” Sirius snickered, crossing faer arms across their chest. Remus just looked at them for a moment.

“You’re right.” he said quietly. Sirius blinked.

“I’m right?” fae repeated. Remus shrugged, looking at the floor.

“I like you,” he said quietly, “You interest me, I suppose. You are interesting, everything about you is loud and fun and, oh I don’t know,” he spluttered sheepishly, struggling to put his feelings into words. “You’re very different from me, in a good way. It interests me. I like you. I want to get to know you. In different ways, not just fucking you in a public bathroom. Not,” he backtracked awkwardly, ”not that fucking you wasn’t tempting, but if you didn’t get it from me, you’d probably get AIDS from that stall wall. Christ knows what’s gone on in there.” he finished lamely, staring at the floor and wringing his hands. There. He said it. Sort of. Sirius blinked, taken aback. They had been expecting a shouting match, not whatever this was. Damned, complicated boy. Fae walked over to the water cooler to buy some time.

“You..like me?” they repeated, filling a small paper cup with water, but not drinking it. Remus nodded, still not looking at faer. “Are you fifteen years old?” Sirius said, not as meanly as fae had hoped to sound. Remus chuckled.

“I’m not the one trying to have sex in a bathroom.”

“Touche.”

After a few moments of awkward silence, Remus looked up. “So?”

“So?” “So..what do we do now?” Remus elaborated.

“What do you want to do?” Sirius asked, feeling very stupid.

“Honestly, I’d like to take you to dinner. Nothing special, because I’m poor as fuck, but, yeah. Dinner. ”

Sirius nodded slowly. “Dinner. Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe. I’ll think about it,” fae settled, taking a sip of water. “I don’t know if you deserve it yet.”

“Fair enough,” Remus acquiesced. “May I assume you will keep me updated? My break is over,” he continued, standing. Sirius noted that his hand-wringing looked less frantic than it had at the beginning of their conversation.

“You may.” fae agreed, turning faer back to smile. Fae didn’t turn around again until fae heard the door closed. When it did, fae couldn’t resist doing a little happy dance. A date! A real, proper, date! ...oh God. A real date.

~~

_“Pete, I’m sorry, we thought she had more time, I’m sorry, I would have told you to stay…”_

Peter swallowed hard, pulling his coat more tightly around his trembling body. More time my ass he thought bitterly barely pausing to check for cars before bolting across the street to the apartment building. Once inside he bypassed the lifts for the stairs, preferring the ache in his legs over standing alone with his thoughts. He reached his destination and pushed the door - always unlocked - open, slightly out of breath.

“Pete!” James exclaimed, walking over to clap his friend on the back. “You’re just in time, we’re celebrating!” he continued, dragging Peter in and thrusting a bottle of beer in his hand. “Tell him the good news, Padfoot!” “The old whore has a date! Like the kind adults go on, where you do more than exchange saliva.” Sirius crowed, sprawled out on the couch and toasting at Peter with a bottle of wine. “Found myself a pretty boy, and now I’m going to have lots of little, faggy children with him.”

“You both have dicks, that’s not going to work,” James pointed out. Peter pulled himself out of his friend’s grip and sunk into the loveseat. He felt detached from what was going on around him, like he was inside a fishbowl, separated from his friends by glass. They were talking, incredibly loudly actually, but Peter couldn’t quite assign meaning to their words. It felt like he sat there for ages, crumpled awkwardly in the chair and clutching an unopened bottle.

“So you haven’t scheduled an actual date?”

“Not exactly, but we’re going to have one!”

“He asked you?”

“He asked me!”

“I don’t care.” Peter deadpanned.

Silence.

“What’s up your ass, mate?” Sirius asked, not looking at him, still smiling.

“Nothing, I just don’t give a shit!” Peter snapped, tightening his grip on the bottleneck. It felt as if the room was closing in on him, getting hotter and smaller and harder to breathe in.

“Alright, Jesus, don’t need to be a bitch about it,” Sirius took another swig from the wine bottle. “James and I can celebrate just fine ourselves.”

“Bet you can,” Peter muttered.

“Sorry, what was that?” James asked, settling himself on the floor with a very large book and a bottle of beer.

“I don’t - “ Peter started, then stopped again. The lump in his throat felt as if it was getting bigger, choking him and making his vision go all spotty. “I don’t give a shit,” he choked out finally, shoving himself up out of the chair. He stood for a moment, shaking slightly.

“Pete, what’s - “

“Shut up!” he roared, flinging the bottle of beer as hard as he could. It collided with the opposite wall and shattered, spraying glass and liquid everywhere.

“What the fuck is your problem?” James exclaimed jumping to his feet and looking furious. Peter stared at the wall, hands shaking. Hands balled into fists, he turned on his heel and stormed out.

“What the fuck was that?” James said again, at no one in particular this time. Sirius didn’t respond, looking at the floor and taking a long drink. After a moment of silence, James retrieved his book from the floor and flopped on the loveseat.

“We should clean that up,” Sirius muttered, hands shaking slightly.

“I should drag his ass back here and make him do it,” James replied angrily. “Where did that even come from? We were having a perfectly fine conversation.” he stared at the door, fully expecting Peter to walk back in and apologize. Sirius rolled off the couch and walked over to James, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“‘s probably nothing, don’t stress out about it.” fae attempted, giving his shoulder a squeeze and trying to choke back the panic bubbling up in faer throat, “C’mon, help me clean up this glass before someone slices their foot open. I don’t want to fucking deal with that.” fae encouraged, giving him a tug. James nodded, pushing himself out of the chair. “Maybe we should go after him.” “Nah, he’ll be back. Don’t worry.”

~~


End file.
